The celibate relationship–Who is celibate? who is not?
Celibacy is a voluntary abstinence from sexual intercourse. A lot of confusions have trailed the term ‘celibate’ over the years making it somewhat difficult to differentiate a sexually frustrated person from celibate person.
Today, however, we are going to make that separation and also take a look at a celibate relationship: what it should and should not look like. So let’s jump right into it.
Who is celibate?
- You are celibate if your abstinence from sexual intercourse is because you are on a journey to find that one person who is truly deserving of that level of intimacy with you and will not stop until you have found that person.
- You are celibate if your abstinence is due to a new found belief or religion. Some religions like Christianity condemn sexual intercourse outside marriage.
- You are not celibate if the reason for your abstinence is because you want to attain a higher level of spirituality. It is called Tapas, Ascetic practices and it is still the major aspect of the religious practice of the sadhus or “holy men” in India.
Who is not celibate?
- You are not celibate if your abstinence is due to a medical condition e.g. an STD. Also, some women’s genitals have been mutilated. Such women find the act of having sex an unpleasant act, hence, their abstinence.
- You are not celibate if your reason for not having sex is because you are sexually frustrated. Sexual frustration can come in different forms and some of the reasons are: low self esteem or lack of confidence. Some people feel ashamed of their body or body parts and as a result finds it difficult to take off their clothes in the presence of their partner.
Another cause for sexual frustration is a below par sexual performance. A top notch sexual performance is important to a lot of people especially the men. They want to be called a stud and anything less is unacceptable.
- This one is rather obscure in this age and time but If you are not having sex because you can’t get laid then you are not celibate.
My advise to anybody reading this who is sexually frustrated due to the aforementioned reasons is please, get over yourself. Sometimes, our conceitedness and exaggerated self opinion is the reason for our unhappiness– We expect way too much out of life. Who says that just because you are not as perky–in the right places, as Kim Kardashian that you can’t take off your clothes and feel confident in your own body? Who says that because you are not as endowed as Conor McGregor, that you can’t improvise and do wonders with what you have? Size has nothing to do with skills you know, don’t you ever forget that. Oops, did I just say that? lol.
The DOS and DON’TS in a celibate relationship
- Get creative and think up something that the both of you can bond with. Let it be something of mutual interest to the both you. Be real. Don’t fake it by saying you love it when you loath it. If you are made for each other then you should have a couple of things in common.
- Make conscious efforts to give your partner all the benefits deserving of a partner: unconditional love, respect, trust, your time, gifts etc. Never hold back because you are having sex.
- Introduce your partner to your friends and family using the appropriate title e.g. “Charles, meet my girlfriend, Kelly” or “Genny, meet my boyfriend, Mike” do not say “Charles, meet my friend, Kelly”
- Do not tease your partner sexually. The ladies are the ones guiltiest of this: you don’t want to have sex but you are touching him at erotic places, you don’t want to have sex but you are going to his place at night scantily dressed but if the beast in him gets the best of him and he grabs you and does the dirty you come out screaming rape. That’s a whole lot of BS.
- A celibate relationship requires a lot of discipline and respect; there are rules and there are lines. Don’t break the rules and don’t cross the lines.
Finally, remember that the decision to be celibate is a personal one. When somebody agrees to be celibate with you then that person should be allowed to be celibate on their own terms. Do not choke your partner with suspicion by checking their phones every five minutes just to know who they are texting or who is texting them. Loosen the reins. What you should demand most in a celibate relationship is not fidelity but respect.